Friday, November 21, 2008

Shhh... Tonight is the night!

Tonight has been a long time coming. I have felt the need to hide for far too long, keeping my feelings inside me for fear of being persecuted, perhaps even assaulted. But tonight, for approximately two whole hours, I, and those who feel the way I do, will be free for the first time in months. For tonight is the night that "Twilight" opens in theaters, and all the obsessed nut jobs will be busy watching it, leaving regular folk free to ridicule them mercilessly.

Tonight I will not have to stifle my disapproval while some thirty-something, vacuous, wide-eyed ninny goes on and on about Edward fucking Cullen and his perfect, topaz eyes or sparkley, muscled chest. For fucks sake ladies, he's dead and in high school. Perhaps if you spent less time cooing over pubescent, undead, fictional magazine models, you wouldn't have to go home after the movie to your house full of cats.

I don't understand why women too old to be reading this shit are all in an orgasmic tizzy. I don't think there is even any sex in the book. That's right, I haven't read it. Why the fuck would I? It's a teen romance novel for fucks sake! "But its a cool vampire story." No, it's a horrible vampire story. Edward Cullen goes to high school. High school is usually in session in the daytime. VAMPIRES ARE SUPPOSED TO BURST IN TO FUCKING FLAMES IN THE DAYTIME! "Look at that boy over there. Wow, he's hot!" Well of course he's hot, HE'S ON FUCKING FIRE!! Now if that scene was in the movie maybe I'd go see it.

Ok, I suppose I'm done ranting about this crap. I guess I will just calm down, go home, and masturbate to nude pictures of Hermione on the interwebs. Losers.